Ugh. I Need to Find Childcare.
It was the summer of 2015, and I was a hot mess. Literally. My wardrobe consisted of nursing tanks with crusty milk stains, and the summer heat fueled my glistening maternal glow. Luckily, my aesthetic was likely overlooked by the stench of various body fluids flung/dripped/wiped/hurled onto me by my three heirs. As I reveled in my motherly status during a morning walk with the infant, a neighbor asked me who would watch the baby once I returned to work. Crap. As with all things related to parenting, I was usually 3 steps behind and operating on 1) wishful thinking and 2) goldfish crackers. In this particular case, the clouds parted and the world bestowed me a V.I.N. (Very Involved Neighbor). “I have someone for you.” Whew. Heck, yes. I am such a good mother.
You Had Me At “Non-Gender Conforming”
So, here’s the thing. My three kids emerged from the same lady parts, and they are outstandingly different. I needed someone who knew to 1) sway his/her hips when holding the one who still pooped his pants, 2) honor the one who loves pink and has a dark mind like Poe and, finally, 3) support the needs of my sensitive eldest son who is transgender. To be honest, the latter need consumed my mama brain and heart the most as I tried to Inspector Gadget (yeah, I made this a verb) a nanny. So, I picked up the phone and called the one referred to as Kate.
Fast-forward two years, and I will be the first to say that our Kate is our children’s biggest advocate. She meets each cherub’s individualized needs, she celebrates small and big moments and she loves hard. Truth be told, I will Mama Bear anybody who messes with my children, and Kate would have already sprinted ahead to say her (very loud) piece.
4 Tips for Finding Your Soul Nanny
So, mama-ing is hard, and I’ve done the work for you. Here are my tips for finding your Soul Nanny for your offspring(s):
- Find a Middle Wo(man) There are 7.4 billion people in the world, and you want someone who aligns with your family needs. Reach out to people you know and trust. This will save you time and heartache of the unknown. Instead of trying to find a needle in a pile of wet wipes (mama brain aint’ got time for figurative language), you are narrowing your options to folks already in your village.
- Be Transparent I talked to Kate for about five minutes, and then I went in for the interrogation. “My oldest is gender creative. He does not conform to the binary gender roles. How do you feel about this, Kate?” I did not waver, my voice was firm and there was only one right answer. Lucky us, she answered beautifully and openly.
- Individualization Find someone who understands that, as humans, we are complex and have unique needs. A nanny who is able to be present with a child’s current needs without judgement is clutch. How do you find this out? I like to ask give scenarios. “Kate, our Ben* will often change his name, and this can be challenging for others. What would you do if he is upset because someone uses the wrong gender pronoun or his former name?” For me, I don’t have a perfect answer in mind. I just listen for a kind and compassionate response. Which leads me to….
- Human Component Find someone who leads with love. As someone who has interviewed others, I always say that arbitrary skills can be taught. The Love and Kindness skills, however, are a must.
After our initial call, Kate came over to meet the kids. She briefly held the baby, and he cried. She spoke to the two big kids, and they barely responded. She honored their space. Upon leaving, she looked at me and said, “They’re perfect.” Coincidentally, this mama knew in my heart of hearts that she was the perfect one. And, a Mama’s gut is always right.
To find you “Soul Nanny” contact us today. You can email our Family Navigator directly at leigh@familyfirsttravelnannies.com.
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