The Thin Line Between Rewarding and Bribing

There’s just a thin line between rewarding and bribing a child. In both situations you acknowledge certain behavior. While your child will enjoy the outcome of rewarding as well as bribing, it’s important to understand rewarding will stimulate good behavior while bribing will not.

Rewarding

You can reward a child after he/she showed good behavior, performed the way you wanted him/her to or did something extraordinary. Rewarding takes place after the act and can happen verbally, experientially or materialistically. When you reward a child, you name the reason why you think they deserve to be acknowledged and you tell them what they get in return to celebrate this behavior.

Example: 

You are at the supermarket and your child ,who usually keeps running around, stays with you and helps you find everything on your grocery list. You’re really impressed by the change of behavior and you tell him/her how happy you are about it. “I’m very thankful for your help today. You acted very well and that makes it easier for both of us. You saved us a lot of time, perhaps we can use that time to bake some brownies instead? Can you go find the brownie mix for us?”

Even though rewarding is better than bribing, you still need to watch out how you reward and how often. Make sure your child understand a reward isn’t something you receive on a regular base. A reward is supposed to be something special and the reason why the child is being rewarded should be very clear.

Bribing

Bribing happens during the act of bad behavior. When you bribe a child, you tell him/her what he/she will get out of it if he/she stops a certain behavior. In this case, you teach a child to act out to get what it wants.

Example: 

You are at the supermarket and your child keeps running around, grabs everything of the shelves and keeps showing you what he/she wants. It’s really bothering you and the other customers so you tell him that he/she can choose some candy at the check-out if he/she behaves until it’s time to pay. 

Creative rewarding ideas submitted by nannies

You need to constantly change your methods of rewarding to be effective. Here are some idea’s straight from the work field:

Nanny Jill Z. : ” I work with Brownie Points!!  I printed out the “brownies” from a template and bought a real pan. Typically, it’s used as a whole classroom management plan, but it works wonders with individual children. I used 12 brownies total and based on the behavior, I would reward between 1-4 points/brownies at a time. Adjust frequency and the amount given based on the child’s age and behavior. Depending on the child’s age, you can even discuss what type of reward she/he’ll earn once the pan is filled. Maybe a fun day at the zoo, ice-cream date, etc… You never want the reward to be “too out of reach,” like it takes months on end to even fill the entire pan.”

Nanny Kristy F.: “We use M&M’s and work towards baking cookies! We keep a Rewards Jar on the counter top and the kids can earn M&M’s for good behavior. When the jar is full, we bake cookies with them”.

Nanny Mia L.: “We use a rewarding system during potty training. T.’s parents bought him a pack of really cool batman underpants. Every time T. goes potty, he gets a sticker on his chart. When the chart is full, he can pick out new underpants. There are 5 different kinds, so we hope that by then, he’s fully potty trained!!” 

Written by Family First Travel Nannies, Child Care Concierge, Emily Barrett.